Put Out or Get Out: Caretaker Burnout

Caretaker burnout is very real and a potential problem for anyone taking on that role. You don’t have to become a dick though! You have choices!

Burnout- An emotional shutdown/physical distancing.
Burnout- A result from social interactions between helper and recipient/ overwhelmed by their emotional demands
Burnout- Exhaustion, cynicism and neg evaluation of one’s own accomplishments.
Burnout- Workplaces not recognizing the human side of work and mismatches between the nature of the job and the nature of the person.

                      

The idea of getting ”too emotionally involved” tends to comes up when discussing burnout. As a human, I can consider these words and go- oh, ok. I get it. But what realistic action(s) does one take to avoid this? Denying any emotional bond won’t work. Cutting off those you care for wont work. So, what about changing your relationship with others, starting from the place it is at that point? I think that is where to start by looking at your repetitive social interactions at work. We all make choices in order to gain something we want ("positive" or “negative”). Pulling away but staying in it with a plan to half-ass your job for the long haul isn't the best way to go. It's better to back out fully or recommit in a new way. Either path means taking personal responsibility for being the “burnout” you are right now. A healthy amount of doctors disregard women as “being emotional” and don’t address their factual and serious concerns, clearly harming these patients. Should we say its ok for the doctor to wait to be told by a co-worker to stop putting at risk by such disregard? Of course not. Giving the green light to such behavior (in this instance) just feeds into gender stereotyping. It is up to that doctor to perpetuate damaging myths or not.

Why the heck are you doing the job you do?!...What were your intentions when you started? Have they shifted over time? Even the best of intentions to help others can get tripped up by ego. Our ego that once shouted out- "I can do this!" may have shifted into- "I am the only one to do this!" This can make us feel guilty, push us to remain supportive, we may feel cocky about it or angry when our standards for a situation aren't met. Any and all of these paths can make us eventually feel frustrated and like we "aren't getting anything out of this!" 

I feel that burnout is like depression- its universal! If you haven’t experienced burnout of some kind during your lifetime, you’re probably a fairly shitty person- likely an extreme narcissist and/or sociopath. Or, I guess heavily medicated… Physically and mentally, burnout makes you feel like shit. Everybody needs to step the fuck back once and a while. Especially if your self-awareness only comes after you've punched a hole in a wall, you’re starting to feel particularly unethical or no longer care if the person(s) you care for live or die- its time to step the fuck back! Trust that you are doing bad at your job right now. It's not time to sit and wait for those external to you to “fix your life” so you stop feeling burnt out. That isn’t a real thing. That will not happen. You will die in your job.. or perhaps let others die. At the very least taking a step back means self-reflection and asking what our intentions are and if they match up with our actions and (really) who we are. If we just throw our hands up, shut down and avoid taking responsibility-  any future job transitions is likely to play out the same way at the end.

Self-awareness and self-responsibility means being conscious of your environment and how it affects you. No one wants to feel like the victim of their environment. Work environments are created by people. Someone bought the building, chose room layouts, paint color, food in the vending machine and hours of operation. Consider how these types of things affect you. I think color therapy is great and if you work in an all gray and brown workplace and ask to put up some color where you work and being told no- your boss is a dick. Consider how others emotional states affect you. Hostile work environments are caused by people: emotional abuse (threats/yelling), harassment (vocal/physical/pictures or notes from a person or featuring ludeness). Ask yourself if the culture at your work supports harassment or emotional abuse. Also, consider things like if someone never says thank you for whatever reason if that has a pattern of repetition.

Look into what things your job offers to support you in your role that could help you when you feel like you are burning out. Or, in general, what social events they promote and connect with a new aspect of your work. Keeping in mind that even if your job offers programs specifically to help avoid burnout, there is no magic kool-aid to drink. If you want to burn out, you will burn out.  Even in the noblest of circumstances where you may feel kidnapped (due to finances or guilt, ect.) it’s your life… the lesson that circles in and out of all things, right?

Decide to invest in some positive coping methods like exercise or going to therapy. You want to replace repetitive negative thoughts with healthy actions. In most cases, when you are burning out you aren’t somehow totally unaware of the how the environment your in is run or of individuals with strong personalities or other such daily “in your face” factors. Try to reinvent your relationship with your work; whether that means engaging in parts of the work you hadn’t previously, taking time off or cutting down hours, switching to another employer, becoming self-employed or maybe realizing that, actually yes, you do not like what you are doing.

It can be a very damaging idea, generation after generation, to be taught that you are to pick a job field and then are to maintain that career path for life. Burnout may be a sign you aren’t the same person you were 20, 10, even 5 years go and your passions have shifted. Taking time for self-reflection could reveal you need to wake up to the reality of who you are now to stop feeling burnt out and overworked all of the time. The idea of feeling like a failure, in this instance, is an excuse to take new actions on your behalf. Or perhaps you are new to a job and you realize that you can more easily identify the stressful aspects rather than the renewing one because you aren’t quite cemented and feeling comfortable in your role at work.

There are many factors to explore, but the ones that matter are the ones that matter to you. For example, there is the idea that people should be provided equal care, but I feel that we all like some people more than others. This should not be condemned and also shouldn’t give you a pass to be a dick to one person and not do your job while doing your job to help the person you like more. People you like more should be seen as a plus and a positive for combating burning out. After all, if we liked everyone equally and had no empathy for others, it wouldn’t matter what job we did.

Burnout is real and takes place in small business, nonprofit, corporate, traveling sales,( ect.) and is an equal opportunity annoyer. It can be a pain to examine what’s causing your burnout at work, but the risks are heavily outweighed by the rewards you get.  In caretaking, when ownership is taken with strength and confidence in decision making, we can ensure that our help is on the way.